Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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