Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
