I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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