This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We left the knife in your bed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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