I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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