Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
