every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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