grandma shit on top of the toilet
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
