The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
