are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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