Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
