Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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