dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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