How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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