god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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