how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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