I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
