So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
