Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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