I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
