i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
