i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We are all done wearing pants today
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
