I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
