3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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