A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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