We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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