Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
