how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
