the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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