I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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