She said her name was "party"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
