tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
