He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize