we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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