I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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