The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I cut my penus on the lid.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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