I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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