i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
