I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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