trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
