I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
