oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I AM VODKA MAN
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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