so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
