He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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