Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize