I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
