Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
