You're earring is so big in my mouth
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
