if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I can text with my tongue
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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