You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
