i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
