fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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