Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize