I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize