You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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