That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
