the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
