I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
