Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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