Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
