dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize