I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
