after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
