But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
