I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
