I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
