he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize