Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just pee around me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
