SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
