I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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