So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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