Dude my mom stole all your condoms
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
